Stickywrites

Today Andrew and I had the pleasure of going to see the eye doctor for a yearly checkup. Maybe you do not normally think of going to the eye doctor as particularly comfortable or pleasurable, but the experience here is quite different. We had made appointments together after we heeded the warnings of our eye doctor friends, Lee, Helen, and Angela, who came to visit us from the States a few months ago: “Everyone goes to see their dentist every year, but no one thinks about going to see their eye doctor!! Teeth are replaceable but eyes are not!” Seeing the truth to this we decided it was time.
Anyway, I SHOCKED the nurses when, sitting down for the eye refraction thing-ey (I’m sure there’s a more appropriate name), I boldly claimed that yes, I had my contacts in. They all glanced at each other nervously before breaking the news to me….supposedly I should’ve taken them out THREE days ago for an eye examination, because, as they explained, contacts affect the shape of your eye and clearly an eye appointment requires your eye be at its most natural shape for the most accurate examination. They could not BELIEVE I did not know this, despite claiming to see an eye surgeon every year for the last 15 years of contact-wearing, and never having to do this before, They reconciled the 3 day period of non-contact wearing for 30 minutes sitting in the waiting room, eyeless and sipping cappuccino from the coffee machine that boasts 15 different options at the push of a button – like an automated Starbucks (no Frappucinos I’m afraid). I say eyeless because I’m extremely blind in both eyes. I can’t do much without corrective lenses, besides standing up and sitting down. Which is no form of entertainment at all if you ask me. Undoubtedly, sans-contacts, I will run into something, break something, hurt myself, fall over, or all of the above in a matter of seconds. So anyway, everything was pretty much normal otherwise, like normal eye dr. visits, until the eye dilation part. If you are or ever plan to be in the eye-dilating business, listen up!! Or if you have ever sat through an American eye dilation routine, which usually includes struggling helplessly to read some magazine as your eyes get blurrier and blurrier and your headache gets stronger and stronger, listen up! This is a fantastic idea….
I was led into a dim room. Dazed and still eyeless, I glanced around in my blurry vision and noticed big furry white blobs, one of which held a snoring man (I think it was a man, actually now that I think of it I can’t be sure). These turned out to big lazyboy, sheet-covered chairs, in which people were dozing happily. I was in a massage parlor! Except I was still in the eye doctor suite. I thought, “wow, this eye doctor’s office must have a spa business too, as a sort of all-around health and wellness thing. “ This is not all that strange of a thought, after all, since many places have spas attached to them and massage spas are a dime a dozen here. As it turned out, I too was led to a furry white blob, while another nurse pushed some buttons on a furry black thing and reclined my chair completely horizontal. Then the drops emerged, and next thing I knew, my eyes were happily dilating away while I dozed in the massage chair.
They’ve got my business from now on, that’s for sure!